Falling Hard
by bea.tricks
Summary: She supposed it was too much to ask that they escape from the casino unscathed, and Hatter had been in a very vulnerable position on the flamingo when they crashed. The T rating might be overstating it, but there's a little suggestiveness.


it seems i have a few half sketches lying around my computer, so there might be some more oneshots coming soon. :) and maybe, just maybe, a multichap one of these days. no promises, but ideas are percolating.

_ANYWAY, the fic: anyone else wonder how that flamingo crash went? this oneshot takes place during the series, right after that first escape from the casino._

* * *

Somehow, _miraculously_, they weren't pummeled by the rapidly flipping flamingo.

The bird tripped on the surface of the water sooner than Alice had anticipated and she hadn't had a chance to catch a breath, but once she found herself completely submerged, she at least managed to shut her lungs.

For what felt like ages, she couldn't figure out which way was up. It occurred to her that this was Wonderland, perhaps up wasn't actually up here. Maybe she would have to follow a passing flounder to get anywhere. Alice opened her eyes to murky darkness and flailed about frantically. Her lungs were beginning to hurt. Her everything was beginning to hurt.

Suddenly her left foot caught air and she paddled toward it.

Hatter burst to the surface at the same time, ten feet away from her.

"Alice!" he spluttered.

"I'm here!" she choked out.

"Tell me you can swim!"

She coughed violently once more and managed to yell, "I can swim. You know I can swim, the first time you met me I was soaking wet from swimming!" She paused and treaded water for a second while she blinked droplets out of her eyes. Hatter wasn't struggling in a desperate effort to stay afloat, but he wasn't treading normally either. He was hovering only just above the surface. "Are you alright?" She swam closer till she could see him better.

His face was aimed toward the sky and contorted with pain. "Just give me a mo', even me great grandson felt that one."

What?

Her hero said nothing but floated supine as best he could with his knees pulled up.

_Oh. _

When they crashed, she'd slammed forward so hard that her chest was sore merely from hitting Hatter's back, _he'd_ plowed forward from where he was straddling the flamingo too… right into its long neck. She winced. This was one of those moments when Alice was glad to have genitalia that wasn't out in the open.

Alice made her way over to him and took his arm, pulling him in the direction of the nearest shore. "Can you paddle?"

He made a weak grunting noise and began moving his free arm in a half-hearted scull. Alice snagged the hat floating nearby and placed it on her own head before striking out against the water with her companion in tow. By the time they made it to shore, he'd recovered enough to drag himself and the then-exhausted Alice out of the lake. They both fell on the stones at the water's edge and gasped for breath.

"Do you see any aces?" Alice asked, staring up at the sky.

"I don't see much of anything," he replied, eyes still closed tightly. It struck him suddenly that the most excitement he'd originally planned for the day was meeting a new contact for Resistance acquisitions. Possibility of danger, sure, but he doubted the suits had much interest in black market toilet paper. Hatter sighed and mumbled to himself, "God… the things I do for you. I must be some kind of idiot."

"What was that?"

"Nothing." No, breaking into the casino and damaging his manhood for a seemingly suicidal oyster had not been on his to-do list. He rolled toward where she sat with her arms draped over her bent knees. And then his heart nearly stopped when she looked over and grinned at him, his porkpie set lopsided on her head.

_Sweet White Queen, I _am_ an idiot. I'd do it all over again._

He flopped onto his back again and Alice deposited the hat on his chest. "Thanks for that," he said.

"Sure," she replied. "What's a Hatter without his hat?"

"Just a devastatingly handsome man with uncontrollable hair." Indeed, even though it had been plastered to his head mere moments ago, his hair was starting to stick up at all angles again. "I'm not sure how many more Hatters there'll be though," he said, knees still bent a bit.

"Come on, you're more resilient than you're making out."

Hatter tentatively stretched his legs out. "That's a lie. Men are very fragile creatures. We need much taking care of."

Yeah, she could tell he was just milking the situation now. "I'm sure everything still functions just fine."

"Care to test that theory?" he said with a quirked eyebrow.

"If you can find it in yourself to hit on me, I'm sure you'll be quite alright." With that, she stood and announced their need to find that batty old knight.

He sat up and spoke to his hat, "Foiled again." Then he flipped it onto his head, got up gingerly and followed after her. Like he had since he met her. Like he suspected he always would.


End file.
